Today marks four years since losing Ariana.

It's been four years since the kids and I had to say goodbye to Ariana, and it's hard to believe it has been that long. 

Some days, it feels like it just happened, and most days, it feels like my life with Ariana was some alternate reality that never existed. 

When she died, I changed forever. I lost myself. My identity and who I was. And the past four years have been about discovering the new person within this skin. 

It has been a journey filled with mistakes, learning, failures, and victories. 

It is hard to feel like much has changed in my grief. I still feel the pangs of loss. I still get frustrated with my life and yell at Ariana out of anger because I was left here to figure it out on my own. 

But as I re-read the post I wrote on the first anniversary of her death, I realized just how far I have come and how dramatically my relationship with my grief has changed.

This year, on the anniversary of her passing, I will not mourn my loss, but instead, I will celebrate our life and everything that has come since she left because as my healing charges forward, so does my view on all that I have lost, and all that I have gained. 

To that end, I have begun filmmaking. I know very little, and I am at the beginning of my journey with the medium, but I have some ideas that I can only express with video. 

So, to celebrate today, I decided to "practice out loud" and release a (super) short "film" that I created to give a deeper look at the pivotal moments of the last years of Ariana and my life together. 

I hope you enjoy it.